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`If Men wrote Cosmopolitan...
`
`
`
`Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my
`sister.
`A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,
`so
`he goes for the next best thing: your sister. Far from being an issue,
`this
`will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins
`involved?
`If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy
`him
`a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention
`this
`aspect of his behaviour.
`
`Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
`A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
`spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
`great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to
`you to
`perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely
`painful
`for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him,
`buy
`him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
`
`Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
`A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged.
`The
`man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far
`from
`being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and
`to
`get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how
`emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best
`thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
`meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
`
`Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
`A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
`it
`do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to
`videotape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To
`ease
`your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook him
`a
`delicious meal.
`
`Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
`A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not
`love
`your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the
`mood.
`Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice
`expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
`
`Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
`A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
`feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to
`him
`and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't
`forget to cook him a delicious meal.
`
`Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
`A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes
`to
`love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused
`emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.
`
`Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?
`A: YES. Before, if possible.
`
`Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?
`A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
`remember is
`that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
`however,
`he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to
`you.
`Do them anyway.
`
`Q: How long should the sex act last ?
`A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good.
`Anything
`under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has finished
`making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go
`out
`with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as
`going
`out with his friends to the pub for the purpose of consuming large
`amounts
`of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his mates. Don't
`feel
`left out-while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry,
`cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
`expensive
`gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
`
`Q: What is "afterplay?"
`A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
`energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to
`do
`after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a
`sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to
`sleep
`while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.
`
`Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
`A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is
`important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
`penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
`rare
`and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over,
`you
`should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do
`everything
`possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his
`apartment
`and buying him an expensive gift.
`
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ОФФ: Если б гл. редактором Космополитена был мужчина....:))))) Сорри тока для владеющих английским.... -- Beaverage -- 25.05.01@11:49 (Чит.: 469)